He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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