I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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