Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
