meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Nicole vs. Life
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
