I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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