It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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