I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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