Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
