there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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