She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Pants are for mortals
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