Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
