No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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