I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
