i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
