Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
