you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
