I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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