from now on my penis is your penis
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
