You're my little dorito
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Redeem this text for a blowjob
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
