Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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