WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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