IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
