I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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