I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
