addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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