So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
