be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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