Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
