too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There r osticjed everywhere
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
