The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
