Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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