I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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