I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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