so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
