brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
