I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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