I wish I could teleport
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
