By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
