let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
50% drunk capacity currently
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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