She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
