i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
