He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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