Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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