so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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