Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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