He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
