so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
BRING THE BAGELS
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
