The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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