dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
where does the pee come out of this thing
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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