at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
