Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
