Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
