Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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